Extremity of life and moving forward.

The beginning of 2016 has lead me through a multitude of extremities. 
Those of extreme anger and sheer frustration to the point of violence actually being used!
Extreme fear and doubt stored into mind making me hold myself back from moving forward..
I have also experienced the extremity of loving too much and not holding back causing me to say or do too much bringing a negative effect into place. 
My mind has been in constant turmoil as of late because of this feeling like I can't balance and control my own outcomes anymore..
My sense of being on track has flown out the window because of the extremities that I have been faced have dealt an impossible blow to my ego. 
My ego has been my pride because without I have felt like a plastic empty egg shell. 
I'll be honest. I have been trying to keep up with my true self for a long time and somehow, I have dropped my plate. My hands have decided to let go of this plate I carry every single day with it's load and all my hands want to say is. FUCK IT! It's over.... Why continue doing this? Why struggle? Just give in! 
It's been hard having to build myself back up from all the blows I've had this year. Each one giving me a hard life lesson to learn. But learnt I have.
If there is one thing that these extremities have taught me. It is this. You will face the same situation over and over again until you can get it right without causing any negative infliction back onto yourself, anyone or anything else and your inner you.

My extreme anger and frustration have repeated itself in so many scenario's that I have had to come to terms with this issue. Each time I have made progress, I falter somewhere else. After the many attempts on learning to control my anger now, I just finally walk away.... Learning that no matter how much someone or something tries to drag me back to where they are at that point. I just have to walk away. For the peace and sanity of me. 
Fears and doubts have been a bit of a battle to try and overcome but I will get into the deep of this later on down the track. The key for me to keep going through fears and doubt is knowing that the real truth behind any accusation to yourself is what let's you know that it's not real. The problem of holding onto it let's you know that yes it takes time to let things go. The more you face it the easier it is to let things go.... A dear friend and work colleague of mine has been a true blessing for me this year in helping me understand these little helpers in life. In regards of letting things go she gave me a mantra. It goes
I release
I let go
I release and I let it go
I let go of anger
I let go of tension
I let go of sadness 
I let go of guilt
I let go of old limitations 
I let go of things said and done
I am peace
I am at peace
I am at peace with myself, others and my surroundings.
I am at peace.
Breathe...
My loving too much has left me introverted sometimes that I hermit crab myself towards everyone else and my partner. It makes me think about how much I am mothering and smothering too much and yet when I let go nothing ever happens. Just let go.... the outcome of others is NOT your responsibility anymore. As much as you care for others you care for you. Others have to face their own failures in their own way.
So where to from here? Slowly but surely I have picked up the pieces of my plate that I have dropped and THROWN it into the BIN! No point keeping that broken plate. Start with a new one. Upload what you think is more important onto your plate and hold fast to it. Once it starts piling up scrap what you think is not important anymore off. Hold on to the main things that are key to your life right now. I am balancing full time work and it's load of systematical things. My home life where I try to devote time to my partner and still try cook dinners and help him keep the house tidy. I am also studying through correspondence as well. Anatomy and physiology. I have never been good with science yet, what I want to achieve I need to study health. It's mind boggling at the best of times but persevere and limit my plate as much as I can so I have enough mental capacity to hold it together. Remembering that when I come across these extremities to make sure that when I deal with it. It has a positive outcome for me others and my inner me..

As I have written this I feel more at ease and peace within myself. And definitely focused as well. 
Thank you and bless you